Or, How My Kidney Tried to Kill me.
Greetings all. It's been a while. I feel like I've been on a long deep space mission that took longer than expected, and now I'm delighted to be home but feel a little like a stranger.
Last time I was here I had just moved house, shortly after which my muse ran off with my plot, and my ability to concentrate, in some grubby 3-way plan to elope. This and the fact that my quiet village was noisier than most town centres on a weekday, compelled me to suck up another house move, back to my old stomping ground.
Finally I start to get back into the writing, with no inclination that my kidney was trying to kill me!
It transpires that a birth defect means one of my kidneys has never worked. It would have remained undetected, had it not contracted an infection. The infection, however, remained undetected even after the indescribable pain sent me to hospital. Instead of triggering a temperature, the kidney that is now on-trial for attempted murder, just expanded to several times it's size.
24 hours after being sent home with some seriously hefty painkillers and tests pending, I was back to the kill-me-now pain, and off to hospital again.
I finished a whole bottle of entonox (gas and air) in just 20 minutes. To be fair, aside from the pain, I do not hide the fact that I am an entonox junkie.
I discovered that pain makes dignity go out of the window. I was wheeled through a busy hospital, on my hands and knees, ass in the air, moaning like an over-enthusiastic extra in a porn movie. My ass could have been bare and I wouldn't have cared. Compare this to my two, fairly dignified births, and it is clear that childbirth is no where near as painful as a homicidal kidney. Or, would that be suicidal..?
A cocktail of the strongest painkillers known to man, several bottles of rapid IV anti-biotics, and a few hours sleep, later, I learned that the doctors considered it a close call that the infection hadn't hit my blood stream and become potentially deadly. I also learned that I no longer needed any painkillers, and that I'd have a chance to snort on some entonox later when I have a procedure to fit a tube into the douche kidney and drain it of all things bad.
It's called a nephrostimy, and four weeks on, I still have it. It's literally hooked inside the kidney and looks like a parasite on the xray. A tube exits just above my hip, and is attached to my drop-down leg holster, or, piss bag. Essentially, it's doing what my kidney never could.
The trial to decide the fate of my psychopathic kidney will be held sometime in late August, and resided over by the head urology honcho of the whole hospital. This is because he would like to save the little bastard by performing an op he does about 4 time a year, which he described as like sewing stitches the size of pinheads with chopsticks.
He want's more scans before making his decision, but ultimately, it's up to me. I could go for the fix and risk a 20% chance of having to return and have the kidney removed. Or I could just get rid of the damn thing and have a 100% chance of not having to return. I mean, it's not like it's done me any favours so far, and it's not like I need it to survive... clearly! Still, two are better than one...
The kidney still grumbles, but that's due to the hook jiggling about in there and I'm happy to say I still haven't taken any painkillers. This is partly due to paranoia and not wanting to mask what's going on in there, and partly due to the big changes in the way I measure pain. Being restricted is making me a little stir-crazy, but one adapts and gets used to the strangest things, plus, people go through a lot worse.
These are interesting times, which I am making note of while trying to simply embrace the experience, all be it with grumpy reluctance.
Ok, I'm not that grumpy. Shit happens, right? And who knows, maybe I'll even get a story out of it. I still have three on the go and several thousand other ideas, but I need to get back in the game.
Even more than that, I'd love to hear from you guys again (friends and strangers alike), via long posts about what you've been up to, preferably with links to some of the stuff you've uploaded this year!
Maybe I'll bump into you while I'm browsing. I feel a feature coming on! Post links here if you please!
My original stories.
Mass Effect shorts.
Mass Effect novel. Resolution.
Synopsis and all 13 chapters @
Resolution: Alternative ending short.